Two Shall become One

Oh Lord I long to love you

2012-01-01T13:53:00.000-08:00

My new year resolution

This year I desire to love on a completely different level

Profound thoughts with Nathan

2011-11-23T20:59:00.001-08:00

Moments cant be made - Moments Make themselves ~

Why I am - who I am

2011-11-08T15:29:00.000-08:00

So today during dance practice, I was watching the wizard of oz. As I was watching it I couldnt help but think of Pop of course ! I just saw him and I watching the movie over and over ! Him singing along with me and just having a ball ~ then it just hit me. That everyone on stage really knew nothing about me, nor do they have nothing to do with me. That the only person that really matters to me is pop. He knows me, raised me , and loves me deeply. Just made everything seem so insignificant, for a lack of a better word.
Then when I was walking back home- Lynsday and Sam were our back - and they stopped me and said I did an amazing Job today - after talking for a minute - I continue on my walk home and began to think how - I am who I am because of the people in my life ... For instance
My musical/theature/Dancer side of me was instilled in me by POP
My funny/sarcastic/whitty side of me was giving to me by MOM
My love for shopping and good deals comes from Nanny.
and my Fire/zeal for the things of God was rubbed on to me by DAD.
and obviously God gave me those people so I would become who I am

I truly believe that I am who I am because of the people in my life. If it wasnt for them, I would completely different.
God gets all the glory for giving these incredible people to me to inspired by. Lord you are beautiful ! I love you <3 Thank you for them .

*p.s

Things Pop taught me -
Not judge least you be judged
Dont get depressed over the fact that lives is going by fast and you cant help it.
Pray for everyone and everything that needs it
Love the unlovable
Dont speak negatively
Healing is for each one of us
Communion and fellowship with the Lord is a daily things
Love your family ! always be there to listen
Always be there if someone needs you
Be sensative to the Holy Spirit
Take drives out to the country !

Pop taught me more than I could ever know ! God thank you for Pop <3

Have the Word (Incoruptable) and My walk !

2011-10-23T21:29:00.000-07:00

Deliverer

Volonte - future basketball player

2011-10-22T22:30:00.000-07:00

This is going to be a long one * but one of the best !

It all started Thursday, the twentith of October. After My personal assessment I went home and was looking through random pictures of dad packing the container for Haiti. I then showed Brittiney the first video I ever took of volonte - and I went back to the part where my dad said - VOLONTE'S a FIGTER - to the average person that might not seem relevant - but 2 hours later when I got the phone call from my mom, tell me he was taking a turn - and everyone was rushing to the hospital - and that they didnt think he would make it. i knew it meant something. So i went in my room and began to battle for faith. After spending time prayer - crying and just wondering over the issue - I walked in the room and told the girls - not only Will he make it though but He will be healed. Later on that night by mother called and wanted me to pray over speaker phone - He was up and little and could hear me. I was a lil nervious at first - but once I began it all went away. I started my praying in Spirit. Began to seek Holy Spirt on what I should say - then i just began praying every ounce of Faith out of me -I felt the faith - there was no doubt there . I didn't care about what anyone else listening thought = i just knew My faith could make him whole through the Blood of Jesus becaue IT ALREADY DID . well after praying a little later, Marty told me that Doctore Newturk was in the room and Raymond ( the gay doctor ) Praise Jesus ! Marty began to tell me how the Power of Holy Spirit was in the Room and that He would feel it . Praise THe Lord ! Well then I woke up to a text message from my dad telling me that the only thing Volonte remembered from the night before was Me praying and Him thinking I was in the Room ! I was so blessed knowing that The power of God was the only thing He remembered. So then all day Friday - I was just praying and condending for my Faith ! Last night during the service all I could think on what Volonte - During worship, I saw him and I dance together ! and it was just powerful ! So this morning I woke up to Christy calling me, and she was saying some of the most negatives things I have heard * and it hurt me knowing that spirit of doubt was doing to be in the room with him all day * At that point = I felt like I had to step my game up. If i wanted differnce result I would have to do something different ! * I went up to Tia after the session and told her - she said - remember Faith comes by hearing and hearing by the word of God. So I went home - and on my Ipad Search verses on Healing. As I began to read them over - I read the story of Jairus and his daughter - and said Ill come back to this one. Once I did I began to think on how we need to get all doubt our of that hospital room. That Volonte isn't dying - just sleeping ! So then I get to the middle session - and at the end Micah goes into the whole story of Jairus and his daughter. He said How Jesus kicked them out and said Make room for me. So after I called my mom - told her someone needs to be in there all day - making sure that there tending to the atmosphere. After our first session this morning, I left marliz to sleep and I went the the Hamilton Park, I took my intercessory prayer book and started to read about the Power Holy Spirit gives when He mets someone ! and so I then began to walk the park = praying in tongues, and praying words of life over him. I knew I was supposed to call pop and ask Him to go and pray over Volonte - So when I got back from the session I called my Pop and told him what was going on - My Pop gave me a list of verse to look up - He said, No time or Distance matters in the Kingdom of God. He said I was to charge the atmostphere because Satan is the blah blah of the air. So I toook the verses. wrote them on index cards and began proclaim the verses into existence ! And boyy it was powerful = I felt break though ! While reading the WILL of the FATHER ! and so then I began to write out these random Note cards that had things written like - Volonte will be my best Friend - Volonte will go to Haiti and get his mom saved - Volonte will get Married - Volonte will pray basketball ! and when I wrote that out- man I felt dumb - but I keep writing them ! and stirring up my faith - so then I went to service tonight and began to worship - and in the middle of it = I felt like there was a silloet of a person standing face to face with me. but then i thought no no = but 2 seconds later molly got up and said - I felt like the Lord is getting up in our faces tonight and is asking - Do you really believe on me . Thats when I began to break open - Then Mrs. Karen called for kids whose mom has cancer. I thought I should go up anyway - so i moved my way up - and then right before we began to Pray - Mandy Got up and said - Bone CANCE is being healed right now ! I hit the floor and just began to weap. Felt the power and assurence of the Lord ! Was just in trevial and the Holy Spirit began to moun in me and It was just overwhelming ! So then after I got up and called mom - then I came back in and shortly later Kaityln came over and said - I just want you to know - that as soon as mandy said that - I saw volonte runnning !! and playing BASKETBALLL !!! I Freaked out ! and then she began to say his testimony will save the nation of haiti ! It was powerful - so then i went out and called jude and after I told him He said- an hour ago He got up and was alert and drank some water ! And that was around the same time as I hit the floor !!!
OOhhh Jesus !!!!!!!! You are sooo worthy !!! I mean I just cant even contain my thoughts about you ! You touched me tonight ! You met me right where i was at !!! You knew what I needed !! You knew what I said and what kaitylin saw ! You are soo God ! You are all in alll !!! You deserve so much more than I give you ! My heart is overflowing with love for you !!! How I am so thankful for your love that you showerd on me tonight !! You truly truly made this night for me ! I know that you had it all planned and I just so honored to be the one who received such a touch !
Jesus thank you for healing Volonte ! You truly are so mighty and powerful ! You truly love you children ! exspecially volonte ! He's your favorite ! So glad I get to spend much more time on this earth with him ! Please give my family and friends the faith that bring forth change ! You are so might and wonderful * im in love wth you ! Thank you again for Healing Volonte ! Your everything you say you are and so much more <3 love you sooooo much <3

I got Vision ! I wont Perish !

2011-10-05T20:25:00.000-07:00

Time flys

2011-10-01T22:08:00.000-07:00

Right now, I am at kaitylin oasis house. She is one of my 9 roommates. I am officially a 1st year student at Rsm. I'm here with another one of my roommates diannellii snap. We took the weekend and drove to her home in chatanooga Tn for heR dads wild something party. Lil did I knownthat meant we would b eating alll the birds he has caught :p today I partook of deer, quail, and duck!! I really liked the duck!.... But anyway- we also brought. 3 of our friends jokton, Jackson and Troy ! It hass been so amazing being out of Hamilton !!!! I feel as if I have stepped back into reality ...and now I don't want to go back. I miss life as I knew it. Then tonight mom told me about how Samantha got hit by a car and now has a broken foot!! Lord why am I not there !!! Hurts missing out on there lives!!! Hurts not seeing there faces! I miss our ministry sooo much !!! Hurts ... Buti do what you want. Lord show me I'm in the right. I really want to love it here .... Not just tolerate it. More of you....less of me. Love you Jesus !!

The Best is YET to come !

2011-08-04T17:42:00.000-07:00

Where I am at On July 1st @ 12:14

2011-06-30T21:20:00.000-07:00

Just Completely Random !

2011-06-29T20:25:00.000-07:00

So someday I will most likely regret this* but I guess i just have to be honest *
Right now ..... if there was any guy in my life * that I wish would turn out to be my significant other .. it would have to be Eli... I know I know ... I should be way way way over him now ... but theres just something that always makes me wish that He would like me. Something about Eli thinking im great, that makes me feel special. Like how i could care less about what other guys think .. but if eli thinks im good... then i must be * Stupid *** I know ! But thats just reality ... Elijah Bovenzi will always hold a special piece of my heart, that he took almost 5 years ago !
So instead of me letting Feeling happen * im just going to pray for him ! and know that God's got someone out there who is exactly what I need !

My wish for myself.

2011-05-19T21:41:00.000-07:00

Funny thing is I love the song, My wish by Rascal Flatts < http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q4JFBsmyiFc >

I actually gave a card to Thorne that played this song. I just love it ! I have so many dreams and wishes for others in my heart. I feel like it wraps up everything in one song :) Funny things is ... I have alot of dreams and wishes for myself. Maybe that why I love it so much. Maybe I sing it to myself *

< MY wish for me, that this life because all that He wants it to >

My dreams stay big, worries stay small

I'll never have to carry more than I can hold

and while Im out there getting where Im getting to

I hope I know somebody loves me

and wants the same things to....

and this .. is My WISH ! >

Thought this is obviously not my only wish for myself, It comes close :)

Right now thought ... I wish to go right where he wants me, do exactly what he wants me to do, with exactly who I am supposed to do that with.

I don't wish for a well paying job, a carreer, or even mr. right.

I just wish that I would be where He wants me, learning growing and having fun.

I don't want to he isolated and lonely.

I want to be growing and learning more about God.

But ultimately I wish to be where you are God ! Above all, being close with you is where I belong.

The woman I hugged yesterday ...

2011-04-02T19:29:00.000-07:00

An incredible woman who "Clung to the Old rugged cross, exchanged in for a crown" today.
*Donna Murphy status February 21st* ( I will cling to the old rugged cross and exchange it for a crown someday.*
Thought I know she is with you Lord, my selfish heart longs for her to back here with her sons. Lord to my eyes they need her. I want to know what your plan is, but I know I can't.
She just said hi to me yesterday . She called out my name, and embraced me, like she always does. Why couldn't I of taken the time to talk. Im so sorry
She at a time did a summer camp at the jc club. She loved my kids, and she didnt even know them. She gave it her everything because thats how she did things, in exelence always. So Lord I ask that how that she is with you , that you would give me her heart. This might sounds foolish, but I desire to take her heart and unite it with mine. I desire to love her family the way she did, to love my kids and life like her to. Lord That her life would be recognized and remembered through mine. Please Lord let her know, that I do just that. Lord that I will pray and fast for her sons. I will do whatever it takes to encourage them to love you !
   Daddy I trust you, I do do do . I know your plan is greater than mine, just show me what I am to do in this moment.
"Blessed are those who mourn for they shall be comforted. "
"You are near to those who have a broken heart " - Your right here *
Use me to help comfort Lord.
I love them ~ and I thank you for placing them in my life <3

Donna You are an woman made from God own heart, and I saw that every time I looked at you. Though you life was hard you never lost you joy that comes from Jesus. I know your with the king loving every moment of it, so please don't worry about your boys. I will be here for them, loving them in a way that I know best. You deserve a beautiful crown and I can't wait to see you throw it at his feet someday. I will see you there soon. Where we will both spend eternity with our magnificant obsession , the one we received all of our love from. I jealous that your seeing his face but I know your making it count. So until I see you, I will be here loving on your sons, like you would want. <3 <3 Thank you for giving to the Lord, I was a life that was changed <3 <3

Today while I was driving to my nan and pops, I passed the accident. I begain to randomly go off about how the fact that I am two arm and legs doesn't bring me happiness. fact that I am alive and breathing doesn't make me happy. The fact that I am going to spend eternity with Jesus Christ my savior give me happiness. So stop basing my happiness on my present physical and emotional stage.
Wow .. I had no idea why I was saying that. God this changes everything .
  Thought this tech me the bigger pictures ... but Daddy... Im so sad for them. Please let me help them .. please ... I want to do what I am supposed to. I just hope that involves them <3

So Daddy,
   Do through me what you will <3 <3 I will trust in you <3 <3

New Season

2011-03-30T22:44:00.000-07:00

“God is not picking places; He is picking people. He picks people who pick Him.” -Damon Thompson

Today we signed a contract for our new building. Mom and I were talk an I began to see how we have this idea that by bringing someone in will spark some type of "ramp" or "basement". I think our image of "Revival" is the wrong one. It's about a movement taking place instead of the movement of God in our personal lives. There has to be healings and late nights to be revival. I find myself longing to IMPACT. I think the more people, the more impact. THIS IS WRONG. We think the coolest leaders, the coolest kids will come out. We think by bring someone in will create something big. I need a new mind set.
The only reason I do what I do is because I am in love with God. I am not in love with the idea of fame. In order for our new building to work is to dedicate if totally over to God.

My poem !

2011-03-28T18:21:00.001-07:00

I am just finishing up my school Finally !! I was stuck on having to write a poem... Untill the night that I told you Thorne read Psalms 16 to me. That night and the next day I was feeling a little scared about loosing a loved one. So out of that my poem was birthed* and ...Drum Roll .... I GOT A 90 !! I was soo happy :D I would of been crushed if I hadn't done good.
So hear it is *
I found myself fearing Fatality.
Never wanting to feel the pain
from the wounds left when a love one
leaves this world forever.
Witnessing such a formidable wonder
effect the lives of familiar faces
was what frightened me most.
Felicitously I found a way to withstand my ground
against the funest thoughts of the grave
Featured in the Word of God.
Philippians considers it far better
to be absent from this world
and be present with God himself.
My future may factor in fatality
but now I know, I need not wince in the face of death.
~ Jesus you are my Rock, and on you I stand ~

2011-03-27T20:48:00.000-07:00

I have been stuck on the verse :
²³ Search me, O God, and know my heart;
test me and know my anxious thoughts.....

to be cont..

This is my Anthem

2011-03-23T21:11:00.000-07:00

Daddy,
   Today was a day I wish I could redo, in a way. Today I found myself feeling extremely like a mother !! Felt like all I did was clean all day ... and for what ... ??? So someone can come right behind me a dirty it. I have a major issue with the idea of cleaning.. or maybe it's the idea of dirting things. I just can't stand doing and redoing over and over. Find that to be a fustration at the moment . Silly I suppose *
  But anyway... today I didn't push myself closer to you, just was content where I was. And I hate that ! I want to desire to be closer to you. I want to "WANT" to know you more than I do. I never want to stop growing. i know in my head that there is more for me, but Im to lazy to work for it. Just like I know I could lose the weight I wanted .. but i am not motivated to do so. I am in a place where I "feel" ok. But this wont due at all. Last couple days I have really have connected with The anthem by Jake Hamilton. I kinda took it as my anthem right now.

I can hear the footsteps
of my King
I can hear his
heartbeat beckoning
In my darkness
He has set me free
Now I hear the
spirit calling me

He€™s calling
Wake up child
It€™s your turn to shine
You were born
for such a time as this. (2x)
Such a time as this

I can hear a holy rumbling
Ive begun to preach
another king.
Loosing chains and
breaking down the walls.
I want to hear the Father when he calls.

He€™s calling
Wake up child
It€™s your turn to shine
You were born
for such a time as this (3x)
Such a time as this

This is the anthem
of our generation,
Here we are God
Shake our nation
All we need is your love
You captivate me. (3x)

I am royalty
I have destiny
I have been set free
I€™m gonna shake history***

Iâ€™m gonna change the world!

I am not perfect, but I am trying and I will get there ! I will become so close and intimate with the Lord that No one, and nothing else will matter. He will consume me from the inside of my being. I am not finish, I have only begun. I am an Esther and for such as time as this He has called me to be who He made me to be. A Daughter aware of who she is, and whom she is !
   ~ Falling more in love with my Deliverer, my Salvation, my Love and my Best Friend ~

The Thorne Protects the Rose

2011-03-22T22:06:00.000-07:00

Thorne Mcintosh has now been living in my home to almost a month and a half now. I can't explain why exactly He is here, but I just know that something bigger is taking place. There are many moment that we aren't always on the same page, actually that majority of the time :P but He is truly a big blessing to have around. It wasn't until yesterday that I started to see him teaching me a life lesson without even realizing it. Get this... a week ago we pulled up to LCS and thorne managed to beep the horn multiple time, at a girl who I see everywhere. The only catch is ... I don't know her name !!! So every time i see her I kinda wish I didn't because I have no idea how I know her ! So here we are outside the school, and she is the only person walking in. Thorne so happened to have the impulse to honk the horn at her over and over... Me getting aggravated knowing I again had to face her, stormed away to say hello and explain who the strange horn honker was in the car. Next day were at walmart and Chels and thorne were being goofy ! I was down one of the isles when I saw a guy come towards me... He was told to tell me that mom's chilly was getting cold and that we had to go. This again being staged by thorne ! So the closer this guy got the more familiar He looked. Next thing I knew I have hugging Charlie from harvest youth group! Little did Thorne know that I knew the kid, but somehow it just worked that way.
And lastly Yesterday when We were at walmart again, thorne realized on our way out that someone left there cart right next to the back of mine. Instead of just pushing the cart away, he waiting behind it, to give it to the family that just pulled in next to us. This again slightly bothered me so I proceeded to the car, until I heard my name being called. Out of the car came Pastor Greg from Delmare Full Gospel ~ * Now this is ironic for the simple fact that I was just telling my parents what a great youth group they have, and how I would love for them to get involved. So seeing him only a few days later was most definitely a God encounter.
  So basically Im realizing that I need to be a little more like my west virginian friend Thorne and less like my to busy to smell the roses self !
Moving on... Tonight Thorne shared with me that verse that He Girlfriend Angel read last before being loosing her life in a car crash. My heart broke into a MILLION pieces as He attempted to read the first verse, but had to stop due to the tears. My heart sank deep into me. Feeling as If every word I read ripped it open a little more. This is it.
¹ Protect me, God,
       because I trust in you.
² I said to the Lord, "You are my Lord.
       Every good thing I have comes from you."
³ As for the godly people in the world,
       they are the wonderful ones I enjoy.
⁴ But those who turn to idols
       will have much pain.
    I will not offer blood to those idols
       or even speak their names.

⁵ No, the Lord is all I need.
       He takes care of me.
⁶ My share in life has been pleasant;
       my part has been beautiful.

⁷ I praise the Lord because he advises me.
       Even at night, I feel his leading.
⁸ I keep the Lord before me always.
       Because he is close by my side,
       I will not be hurt.
⁹ So I rejoice and am glad.
       Even my body has hope,
¹⁰ because you will not leave me in the grave.
       You will not let your holy one rot.
¹¹ You will teach me how to live a holy life.
       Being with you will fill me with joy;
       at your right hand I will find pleasure forever.

I read this and knew I had to get as much as I could out of it. Lord I need a deeper love for you in order to handle situations like theses. They hurt to much, and I feel pain. Im afraid to feel that pain, my prayer is that fear wouldn't run my life. How do I get rid of that fear? Help me. I need you.
  So Lord Help me to help thorne in the way you want me to. Show me where Im not right and place me where I belong. I really wish to encourage his walk with you and not in any way hinder it. I thank you for our friendship and open my eyes to see what I am to learn from him. I love you Lord ~ and they way you work. Pray that I wouldn't allow the fear of this world to run my mind that is renewed by your word ! I love you ! I love you ! I love you ! and I can't wait to love you more ...
   without you = I am nothing of value
   with you = I am made whole
Thank you father for you are my best friend . Thank you for your faithfulness and love <3

Yours forever ~

2011-02-07T06:29:00.000-08:00

There will comes the moment ... very soon.. where my Uncle Benji will realize He is LOVED beyond all of his bad decisions. He will look to the cross and find freedom. Satan has NOOOO hold on his life ! He is a new creation. He has a destiny and a calling * Right now the Lord is work MIRACLES in his life. He is reaching into the the deepest inward parts of his being . I don't care what he is saying, or doing. I don't care what the world may say about him. what others may say. HE BELONG TO GOD, HE IS THE CHOOSEN SON OF JESUS CHIRST. there is no erasing a calling . He will falll in LOVE of Jesus. His whole mind set changed. Dilieverance. He will be the father he long to be deep inside. He WILL be RESTORED COMPLETELY. there is no doubt in my bones any longer. NOW IS THE TIME. He was made of LOVE. He was made for this moment in time . God is working ... hE IS WORKING ... UNCLE BENJI IS FEELING IT ... BREAK THE HEART INSIDE OF HIM. Melt away all the cold... NEVER NEVER NEVER WILL HE EVER BE THE SAME !!!
WHOM THE SON SETS FREE IS FREEE INDEEED ! NO MORE CHAINS WILL HINDER HIM!!!
<Amen>

Dear Mr. Right

2010-11-28T19:27:00.001-08:00